Remy

I have this dog. Remy. Well that's his name anyways. sold to me as a Dalmatian... However after his growing to 10 months old the vet and I now realise that he is a Dalmatian crossed with a Great Dane... That was a bit of a shock. Especially how he is 10 months old and now weighs 6 stone. geez.

Until I moved into this place, Remy and I were inseparable. Everything we did, we did it together. I miss that. Now I have to try to get hold of the person looking after him, ask if he is busy, work around each others schedules just to see him. Let alone take him out or anything else.

The worst thing is he is such a great dog, like for 10 months old he is so well behaved, in the house, on the lead, off the lead, everything. He loves children and other dogs. He is just the perfect soft giant that everyone is looking for making it all the more harder to even think about giving him up. Which is something that is creeping closer and closer and I know I will have to do because no one can look after whim whilst I am living in this shit hole, Another reason to hate it here. I cant have my baby.

In the last couple of hours it has come to my attention that I cant trust any one wit remy anymore and I have no choice but to re home my beloved dog. I now hat he will be going to on of the best homes I can think of with other doggie friends and amazing care for the rest of his life but he is still mine. and anywhere he goes he always will be. Noting will ever change that for me. Its amazing how one dog can change your whole world right? Maybe one day more people will realise this and not take their perfect puppy for granted when all I want is to have mine back.

Clouded

As I am sitting in my room writing this, good for nothing assholes are subbing words to a song to purposely make me feel like shit. Welcome to supported accommodation.

Fast forward to the point where I end up getting myself this single bed room in a shared house with 16 other greasy and snotty nosed 16-24 year olds that have nothing better to o with their lives than argue with their parents, break the law and eventually get kicked out landing themselves a sot in this hell hole. Its not entirely like this for me. My dad died last year and then my mom ran off. After my sister moving away for college my step dad cult afford to keep any longer, s like a dog going into the kennels I ended up here. Then started the worst part of my life. no exaggeration.

I don't know whether writing this out here would be good for anyone, especially me or anyone that might know who I am. But I don't think anything would ma sense if people didn't know the truth. that's assuming anyone would actually read this?

The thing is, the people in this place don't realise hat serious damage that they are doing by joking about something as serious as his. they are destroying me and others in here from the inside out. it is honesty like being back at school. and lets be honest, for someone like me who would like that to happen? ..... I was raped not long ago, I thought he was my friend and he thought more than that, he just didn't know how to take no for an answer. for this I have been talking abuse and became a victim of harassment and I cant escape it. its where I live. its where I work. It follows me around like a black cloud.

For those of you sitting there thinking that I am looking to gain attention or just another girl out there, or even like a feminazi. This genuinely happened to me and I cant stress enough how much it has affected everything that I do and think about doing. This is helping me in a way to get over what has happened without suppressing everything because if there is one thing I have learnt, that is the worst thing that you can do. And for anyone out there who has gone through this also, or something similar then I am here for you, I may not be much good or use but, what is one more person that can listen to you.

For those who have read this whole thing the fair play to you. I can barely listen to myself ramble on let alone read it. I have just got to a point where I know I cant live like this anymore. And I know I need to do something about it.